Insufficiencies

It’s garbage day, and I’m sending away my insufficiencies, perceived or otherwise. 

In the Venn Diagram of my life, I find four circles. Kids/pets/home, careeer/work/finances, health/fitness/self-care, romance/friendship/entertainment. I push these circles around, but move them as I may, they never seem to align in a way that impresses me. 

What I am realizing now is that the overlap isn’t me, I’m not struggling to fit into anything. All of the circles in their entirety is me, and the overlap is just my focus at any given time. 

I can stop worrying, nothing is going to vanish or break, it’s always within my power to bring the circle of my choosing into focus. We don’t lose friendship because we focus on family. There will be a time when it shifts, when the kids are in college, and we have all the time in the world for friends again. 

We can’t really expect everything to be in focus all the time, and as we examine the manipulation of the circles, we have to understand that sometimes they sway, sometimes they spin, and sometimes someone throws some extra circles into the diagram to really shake us up. 

Pandemic was an extra circle for all of us. Front and center, right in focus, overshadowing every other circle, maybe even pushing the other circles out of the diagram completely. 

We have to relax about it. Our insufficiencies are circumstantial, and might actually be very real limitations. It’s entirely possible that we absolutely cannot do any better than we are doing right now. Not insufficient at all, actually 100%, our very best. 

It seems crazy to forgive ourselves for the many things we cannot do, but perhaps we have to. Perhaps we are doing exactly what is possible and any more would be unrealistic. 

As I look at the things I am doing well, and the things that I can be doing better, I’m relaxed and at peace with the idea that I own all of the things, they are contained within me, and the circles will shift right where I want them to be exactly when I need them to, but they will never all be stacked perfectly one on top of another because there just isn’t time or energy for everything right this minute. 

I’m sending away my insufficiencies, because I realize now that what I’m doing is enough, entirely sufficient, and ever-changing. It’s perfect just the way it is. We are not failing at anything, it just isn’t time right now. 

OnGarbageDay.com