What I Want

It’s garbage day, and I’m throwing away what I want. 

What I want is almost never the right thing for me. Instead I’m going to replace it with what I want to want. 

I may want to snuggle all day in bed and do nothing, but what I want to want is to get up, water the garden, feed the dog, make my weird mushroom mud drink (when what I really want is coffee), and do fantastic things like clean my house and engage meaningfully with my family. 

I’ve found that doing what I want is more like being a young child, with immediate needs being met, and long term goals completely ignored. 

Long term goals are where it’s at. As much as I sing the praises of living in the now, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be working toward a better future. Nobody gains five lbs as they’re eating the cake, that happens later. 

It’s important to do the things we want to do, but it’s also important to know where those things will lead us. I try to give in to my wants that are more likely to result in long-term happiness for my family. 

When I’m lucky what I want is exactly what I want to want, and this is the best. In the cases where what I want isn’t going to get me to my long term goal, I’m going to have to say no to myself. I’m not a toddler, I can handle the disappointment of drinking reishi mushrooms and turmeric over coffee, with an end in mind. 

I can, I swear. I even add cinnamon to it to make it taste “good”. If every once in a while I have a cup of coffee, it’s not the end of the world. I encourage doing exactly what you want, no matter how unhealthy it is, from time to time to avoid becoming rigid. 

I used to say that I eat healthy food, and I eat at Taco Bell sometimes. What we do most of the time decides our fate. Though we do tend to get speeding tickets the one time we give in. I think that’s just the universe reminding us to stay on track. 

I know we’re all going to die, and a life of misery isn’t worth living, but there is a balance. I think my inner voice, the one that tells me what is best for me long-term, not the voice that tells me what is best right now, is really my best self. 

So I’m going to listen to her this week and see how it goes. I can want all kinds of things, but the important thing to hold on to is what the choice will bring a little further down the road. I think I know. I think I know and I ignore it because I’m used to getting what I want. 

Maybe the real gift isn’t getting what we want, maybe the real gift is knowing what is best for us.