Water

This morning I’m thinking about water. Clear, hydrating, transparent, thirst quenching, self leveling water. We are made up mostly of water. If I really think about it, I want be just like water. 

When things go awry and I’m forced to become clouded, dark or jagged, I long to find my way back to a cool, clear, level state. Like water. 

But sometimes I’m just not there. I’m wounded, hurt, upset, struggling or broken, and don’t want to admit it. I pretend to be okay, because I long to be okay, especially at my most not okay times. 

All hell breaks loose when I walk around pretending to be water when I’m actually on fire. Arguments start, problems arise, trouble comes my way... suddenly everyone around me is crazy and unreasonable. 

The only solution is to finally admit that I’m on fire. Once I identify the wound, stop ignoring it, and focus on healing, I can do better. It’s uncomfortable because I have to walk around bleeding, but not to the point of complete exsanguination. 

Wounds need air to scab over, and scars can eventually fade away with enough care. Left alone to fester, ignored and glossed over, a wound can become infected and create a host of other problems. 

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to admit that we are not okay, and let it be that we are not okay. We must sit in our own truth, bleeding and on fire, uncomfortable and miserable. There is no way around it. 

In time, we will self-level, as we are like 60% water, even when we’re hungover. Time does not actually heal all wounds, not if we cover them up, and try to ignore them. Time is definitely an important aspect to healing- an absolute must, but it must be mixed with honesty and discomfort to be most effective. 

Water is definitely the goal, but nobody gets to be 100% water, and we really don’t need to be. The best stories come from the darker times, and how we find our way back. The best we can do sometimes is swim.

#garbageday