Responsibility

It’s garbage day. With today’s trash I’m sending away holding others responsible for my well being. 

Sometimes I can be stupidly nice. Way too nice, some might say. Sometimes, however, I do or say things I wouldn’t want the Dalai Lama to know about. Sometimes in an effort to enforce boundaries I never expressed having, I lash out. As I learn to create boundaries that will serve to protect me, this practice will likely subside. 

If I analyze these moments, and I’m honest, most of my lashing comes from negligence of self-care. It’s my own damn fault. If I take responsibility for where I am, who I’m with, and what I’m doing, there is no one left to lash out on. I’m responsible. 

I have to decide how I will be treated, and how I won’t. If someone continues to treat me in a way that I don’t want them to, I have to tell them, or I have to leave them. My well being is my job. 

The great thing about boundaries is they are personal. Nobody even has to hear about them, and it’s often better if they don’t. Deciding what I do and don’t want in my life is a personal decision. I don’t have to fight about it. 

Boundaries can be set and maintained with loving intention. While other people can and do take care of me, I know it’s my ultimate responsibility. I had a really bad experience recently with a friend who was overstepping. It all went down badly, and only after gossip found its way back to me did I tell her why. I handled it badly, I could have told her before my final straw. Please don’t tell the Dalai Lama. 

Going forward I will work to make it obvious what I will and won’t tolerate. It sounds harsh, but it’s actually fair and kind. I have a bad habit of letting things slide until I have some kind of tantrum. Every board game comes with a rule book. The idea is that once we all know the rules, we can play nicely together and avoid arguments. 

We may throw out user manuals and assembly instructions without much thought, but the rule book is something we need to carry with us. I’m going to be brave with this, and I’m going to make it easy for myself and my loved ones to enjoy our time together. Making people guess and being upset when they guess wrong is not cool at all. 

I don’t always take life as seriously as I should, but I’m going to go forward with a few rules that are bendable, but not breakable.  And I’m going to go forward with love.