It’s garbage day and this week I couldn’t wait.
I’m throwing out overextension. I’m always overextending myself, doing more than I can easily do, and I suffer for it.
These extra things I do for my friends don’t always work out the way I hope. Because I easily offer my help, they must think that my help comes easily.
I go too far out of my way for people and then I become resentful when my efforts aren’t appreciated or reciprocated.
Yesterday, I tested my theory. Where I would normally overextend myself to help a friend, I didn’t. I just let him figure it out on his own, which he did. He appreciated me being there for him, and I was a good friend without becoming resentful.
If I give my kids $200 every week, they will never appreciate a home cooked meal. They’re used to eating exactly what they want to, when they want to. Soon I find myself also buying meals for their friends, who’s parents are not so generous. I become overextended, and because I make it look easy, they keep asking, and when they don’t eat the dinner I made for them because they got boba after school and aren’t hungry, I become resentful.
What if I gave them $20 a week instead? They would have a treat once in a while, and they’d be more likely to come home hungry. Maybe overextending myself and setting myself up to feel resentment isn’t really necessary.
If I do more than I can easily do, but make it look easy, maybe only I will struggle. If I only make what actually is easy look easy, I may not struggle, and the people I love may not struggle, either. Maybe the struggle itself is unnecessary. Maybe I do what I can, we all do what we can, and nobody has to sacrifice.
My kids may want boba every day, but to go without it wouldn’t kill them, and if I didn’t give them money for boba, they wouldn’t come to dinner full. I wouldn’t waste tons of food that they aren’t hungry for. If I didn’t have to force them to eat, and then force them to clean up after a meal that they really didn’t need or want and didn’t feel grateful for, we might all be happier.
Maybe the root of the problem is me. I can change this week, because it’s garbage day.
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