Holes

Today I’m thinking about holes. 

I watched a self-help video last night on the YouTube. The woman was super creepy, the graphics were horrible and her voice made me feel like I was being indoctrinated into a cult. She made one very interesting point, though. She said that the reason narcissists are matched up with the selfless is because they are in the same place energetically. 

According to her and something about vibrations, both narcissists and the selfless have a hole they want love to fill. Interestingly, she said that both are trying to fill the same need. The only difference between the selfless person and the narcissist is that the selfless person is capable of feeling love and belonging, while the narcissist only fakes it. 

In order to elevate yourself above the level of narcissist attraction, you must learn to love yourself. Once you realize that you alone can fill that need for love, you will no longer attract narcissists or emotional vampires, because you will no longer be in the same place energetically as they are. 

So I guess now, I just have to figure out whether I can love myself or not. If I can learn this amazing self love and care I hear tell of, I will actually become attractive to, and attract people like me... just like I do now. But honestly, it just makes me feel worse about myself knowing that I earned the selfish ego-driven men whom I’ve been attracting. I hate myself even more knowing that I’m just like them. 

This self-love thing is a tricky business, and I suppose I’m going to have to get back to thinking about forgiveness. I must forgive myself and at least learn to like myself before any of this is going to get better for me or anyone else. I know I can do it, and if I can’t do it, I at least have iron on letters now so I can express my dissatisfaction through ironic t-shirts.