Opinions

This morning I’m thinking about opinions. 

Oxford Dictionaries definition:

“A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.”

We pretty much communicate in opinions. We share these views and judgments with each other to establish connections and agreements. Knowing that opinions are not facts, we find happiness in finding people who share our way of seeing the world. Sometimes it seems that the more unusual our opinions are, the more excited we become when we find someone who shares ours. 

Without these shared opinions, friendships would be impossible. So why do people say to keep our opinions to ourselves? Opinions can be used in two ways. We can share our opinions to bring people closer, or we can use them to drive people away. 

I think it goes back to the old saying, “if you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing at all.” While sharing our feelings and views is an important part of connecting with others, it can also be the biggest reason we find ourselves alone. 

In an attempt to validate ourselves and feel important, we may become too adept at sharing our opinions. I’ve noticed that harsh and unpopular opinions are a symptom of loneliness. Feeling disconnected, we try hard to connect by sending out a fleet of opinions to hopefully connect again. Sometimes this works, and we find common ground and new, fulfilling relationships. Most of the time, however, these dark feelings and views we share out of desperation only serve to drive others away. 

When communicating opinions, I think it is important to look at our reason for doing so. Do we want to bring others closer, drive them away, or do we just need to feel heard, whatever the result? What we think and feel often changes, and opinions are not necessarily facts, so in my opinion, we should always question our own motives before sharing them. 

Throughout my life, people have had occasion to share with me their opinion on how much black I wear. People who ask me how I can wear black on such a sunny day (when I’m indoors), and ask me if I’m hot... well, they may be wise to keep that opinion to themselves because the ignorance in not knowing that black is no hotter than any other color when not directly in the sun brings me to a few judgy opinions of my own. On the other hand, my black hating friends who happen upon me on a day of colorful clothing may excitedly tell me how nice I look in green. As long as they leave out their jab about the black the rest of the time, we are good. How we say things is also very important. 

Opinions can be extremely helpful. Sometimes someone shares something with me that helps to change my own views for the better. If I’m sharing my opinions to make people feel better, give a bright new perspective, or help someone who wants help, my motives are good. If my intention is to hurt someone, change them when they don’t want to change, or my opinion is unwelcome, I can just keep it to myself. 

As we go through life, people are the most important element. The people in one’s, and the sharing of views and judgements on life are what makes us feel part of it all. For the most part, I’d say opinions are wonderful because they connect us with the people who make life worth living. If our opinions become harsh judgments that drive people away, we may need to check in with ourselves and our motives. Some people should be driven away, of course, but if we are losing people we’d prefer to keep, we may just be better off keeping our opinions to ourselves.