This garbage day, I had two recycling bins. I had a lot of cardboard to recycle. I asked my son to fill one of them, and I filled the other. It was nice to have the help.
Normally the garbage is mostly my job. But there was a lot of breaking down boxes, and asking for help made it so much easier.
Two important things came of asking for help. I got help, and my son got to help. Doing something nice for someone actually feels great. So many times we avoid asking for help because we don't want to inconvenience anyone. What we fail to realize is that people actually enjoy helping other people. People WANT to help us, and they are glad to do it.
People offer their help a lot. I typically decline. I'm going to stop that. If I would like help, and they would like to help, then it's a great thing to have help. It's not like I need help all the time, I mean, I filled all three of the other bins on my own. He just helped with the one.
I think letting people help me is a very good step toward becoming whole. Asking for help, giving help, it's a balance. I'm not going to lose control of my life because someone helps me with something, and if I do, maybe I didn't need the control to begin with.
One of the things codependency teaches us is that we must not impose on others. We are the strong ones who take care of our alcoholics, our useless husbands, our troubled friends. We fear losing that control. We fear being weak and equate it with vulnerability. What is someone helps us and then they get MAD at us.
Stop right there. We are not responsible for other people's boundaries. Just because we lack boundaries, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe we ask for help and someone says no. OK. Done. We either do it ourselves or ask someone else, or hire someone, or figure it out in some way.
Some people have shitty boundaries and they don't care how we feel unless it impacts them. If we grow up in this environment, we feel like anything we do could make people mad. We make our world small and try not to impose. This is wrong. Let's just start by thinking that other people have healthy boundaries, and asking for things is OK.
Most of the time, people tell stories of how they helped another person with pride. Helping others is one of the top ten feel good things we can do. I'm not going to continue to deprive people of this joy. I'm going to ask for help when I need it, and sometimes just when I want it.
It's garbage day, and this week it wasn't my job. It was a shared task that made life feel good for me, and for my son. Not everything has to be my job. I'm sending away the idea that it is. I like having help, and I'm looking forward to asking for it.
Normally the garbage is mostly my job. But there was a lot of breaking down boxes, and asking for help made it so much easier.
Two important things came of asking for help. I got help, and my son got to help. Doing something nice for someone actually feels great. So many times we avoid asking for help because we don't want to inconvenience anyone. What we fail to realize is that people actually enjoy helping other people. People WANT to help us, and they are glad to do it.
People offer their help a lot. I typically decline. I'm going to stop that. If I would like help, and they would like to help, then it's a great thing to have help. It's not like I need help all the time, I mean, I filled all three of the other bins on my own. He just helped with the one.
I think letting people help me is a very good step toward becoming whole. Asking for help, giving help, it's a balance. I'm not going to lose control of my life because someone helps me with something, and if I do, maybe I didn't need the control to begin with.
One of the things codependency teaches us is that we must not impose on others. We are the strong ones who take care of our alcoholics, our useless husbands, our troubled friends. We fear losing that control. We fear being weak and equate it with vulnerability. What is someone helps us and then they get MAD at us.
Stop right there. We are not responsible for other people's boundaries. Just because we lack boundaries, doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe we ask for help and someone says no. OK. Done. We either do it ourselves or ask someone else, or hire someone, or figure it out in some way.
Some people have shitty boundaries and they don't care how we feel unless it impacts them. If we grow up in this environment, we feel like anything we do could make people mad. We make our world small and try not to impose. This is wrong. Let's just start by thinking that other people have healthy boundaries, and asking for things is OK.
Most of the time, people tell stories of how they helped another person with pride. Helping others is one of the top ten feel good things we can do. I'm not going to continue to deprive people of this joy. I'm going to ask for help when I need it, and sometimes just when I want it.
It's garbage day, and this week it wasn't my job. It was a shared task that made life feel good for me, and for my son. Not everything has to be my job. I'm sending away the idea that it is. I like having help, and I'm looking forward to asking for it.
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