It's garbage day, and I'm sending away misconceptions.
How we view ourselves is based on many contributing factors. Some of it is based on who we actually are, at the core, our natural sense of right and wrong, our personal ethics and morals, our personal boundaries and basic character. Some is based on what people told us we were. The compliments and criticisms we've heard over the years. Some is based on the people we surround ourselves with, our job, our friends, our family.
One thing is for sure. None of it is permanent. If you don't believe me, hit up a speakers meeting sometime. Anyone who used to be heavily drugged or drinking will tell you that who they are as a sober person is NOT who they were before they got clean. People change.
So what about the rest of us? Maybe it doesn't take hitting rock bottom to make a change at our core. Maybe the things we tell ourselves we are are not actually true. Maybe they were true twenty or thirty years ago, but not so anymore.
We obviously have a core. What I'm sending away today is the idea that this core is unchangeable. People do change, and we can change anything and everything about ourselves.
I used to drive fast. Always. It didn't matter if I was an hour early, or an hour late, I had to speed. Because of this, I was often upset with the driver of the car in front of me. Why were they doing this to ME? One day it just randomly occurred to me that driving would be way easier if I didn't have to go fast all the time. What if I just kept a safe distance from the car in front of me and took the drive as it was, slow, fast or in between? Life changing.
I think my stress level went down 50% with that realization. That small change from who I thought I was, a fast driver, to who I really was, just a driver, made all the difference. No more road rage, no more speeding tickets, my fear of highway patrol diminished and I felt all in all much more calm.
Now, sometimes we have these realizations and can make a change in our thinking, and sometimes we have to push it a little. We are changeable.
I'm hard on myself. Constantly explaining myself, pointing out my flaws and insecurities quickly before others can criticize me, I am on the defensive. Maybe this comes from years of being torn down. A childhood of never being good enough, having parents who didn't believe in children (and treated me with the rules and expectations of any adult from the time I could speak), of having to apologize, of not being unconditionally loved, or a lifetime of whatever it is that causes these things. Who knows.
What I do know is that I can change it. I can be nice to myself. I can look at a sink full of dirty dishes, and tell myself, "you are a slob." or I can look at a sink full of dirty dishes and think, "I had a fun day with the kids, now time for dishes!" It's up to me how I choose to label things, how I choose to see myself, what I will ALLOW.
I am riddled with misconceptions about myself. I have labeled myself, or taken on other people's labels of me and allowed so much criticism. And for what? I'm not a monster who needs to be beaten. I'm just a small woman who spends most of her time taking care of even smaller creatures. I don't need to be punished for a sink full of dishes, or the dress that's been on the back of my chair for a week.
I don't need to label myself, or criticize myself, or judge me, It won't do any good and it isn't necessary. I don't have to drive fast, and I don't have to punish myself constantly. I'm sending all of my misconceptions away with the ever growing pile of recycling, because I've got dishes to do, and I'm a pretty good person, it turns out.
How we view ourselves is based on many contributing factors. Some of it is based on who we actually are, at the core, our natural sense of right and wrong, our personal ethics and morals, our personal boundaries and basic character. Some is based on what people told us we were. The compliments and criticisms we've heard over the years. Some is based on the people we surround ourselves with, our job, our friends, our family.
One thing is for sure. None of it is permanent. If you don't believe me, hit up a speakers meeting sometime. Anyone who used to be heavily drugged or drinking will tell you that who they are as a sober person is NOT who they were before they got clean. People change.
So what about the rest of us? Maybe it doesn't take hitting rock bottom to make a change at our core. Maybe the things we tell ourselves we are are not actually true. Maybe they were true twenty or thirty years ago, but not so anymore.
We obviously have a core. What I'm sending away today is the idea that this core is unchangeable. People do change, and we can change anything and everything about ourselves.
I used to drive fast. Always. It didn't matter if I was an hour early, or an hour late, I had to speed. Because of this, I was often upset with the driver of the car in front of me. Why were they doing this to ME? One day it just randomly occurred to me that driving would be way easier if I didn't have to go fast all the time. What if I just kept a safe distance from the car in front of me and took the drive as it was, slow, fast or in between? Life changing.
I think my stress level went down 50% with that realization. That small change from who I thought I was, a fast driver, to who I really was, just a driver, made all the difference. No more road rage, no more speeding tickets, my fear of highway patrol diminished and I felt all in all much more calm.
Now, sometimes we have these realizations and can make a change in our thinking, and sometimes we have to push it a little. We are changeable.
I'm hard on myself. Constantly explaining myself, pointing out my flaws and insecurities quickly before others can criticize me, I am on the defensive. Maybe this comes from years of being torn down. A childhood of never being good enough, having parents who didn't believe in children (and treated me with the rules and expectations of any adult from the time I could speak), of having to apologize, of not being unconditionally loved, or a lifetime of whatever it is that causes these things. Who knows.
What I do know is that I can change it. I can be nice to myself. I can look at a sink full of dirty dishes, and tell myself, "you are a slob." or I can look at a sink full of dirty dishes and think, "I had a fun day with the kids, now time for dishes!" It's up to me how I choose to label things, how I choose to see myself, what I will ALLOW.
I am riddled with misconceptions about myself. I have labeled myself, or taken on other people's labels of me and allowed so much criticism. And for what? I'm not a monster who needs to be beaten. I'm just a small woman who spends most of her time taking care of even smaller creatures. I don't need to be punished for a sink full of dishes, or the dress that's been on the back of my chair for a week.
I don't need to label myself, or criticize myself, or judge me, It won't do any good and it isn't necessary. I don't have to drive fast, and I don't have to punish myself constantly. I'm sending all of my misconceptions away with the ever growing pile of recycling, because I've got dishes to do, and I'm a pretty good person, it turns out.
Comments
Post a Comment