At the root of so many problems is a fantasy that cannot be fulfilled. From the depths of our childhood, we develop ideas to protect us from our pain. Someday, I'm going to be happy. We carry these fantasies with us into adulthood. The perfect life we will someday achieve. We base our self-worth on how close we get to this dream world.
We put our adult happiness in the hands of our infant selves without even knowing it. We consider these ideas "us". People will argue with our flawed reasoning and we will defend ourselves because we believe that because these ideas have been with us always, they are our true selves. Not true.
They say that expectations are just resentments waiting to happen. We are setting ourselves up to be resentful. I hear adults with lovely lives talk about what failures they are because they don't have the things they thought they would have. At thirty, we should have a spouse, kids, a house, a career and vacations twice a year to post about on social media. Right?
Nope. There is no should. There is no goal in life that we must achieve to be successful. A truly meaningful life is just whatever life we live that brings us joy. The more dedicated we are to our fantasy, the more unhappy we become. How can five year old me know what 45 year old me needs?
I'm a little late, because I already have a house, an ex husband, two kids, a dog, a career, and a station wagon. Nevertheless, it's garbage day, and I'm throwing out my childhood fantasy. It does not serve me. If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't need any of these things to be happy. I'm replacing my fantasy with my reality. It's garbage day, and my ill-conceived plan from my childhood is past its prime. Goodbye dream wedding that I thought I didn't deserve, kind husband whom I never met, flying car that I can't afford. I'm good right here, in my beautiful little life that makes me happy every day.
We put our adult happiness in the hands of our infant selves without even knowing it. We consider these ideas "us". People will argue with our flawed reasoning and we will defend ourselves because we believe that because these ideas have been with us always, they are our true selves. Not true.
They say that expectations are just resentments waiting to happen. We are setting ourselves up to be resentful. I hear adults with lovely lives talk about what failures they are because they don't have the things they thought they would have. At thirty, we should have a spouse, kids, a house, a career and vacations twice a year to post about on social media. Right?
Nope. There is no should. There is no goal in life that we must achieve to be successful. A truly meaningful life is just whatever life we live that brings us joy. The more dedicated we are to our fantasy, the more unhappy we become. How can five year old me know what 45 year old me needs?
I'm a little late, because I already have a house, an ex husband, two kids, a dog, a career, and a station wagon. Nevertheless, it's garbage day, and I'm throwing out my childhood fantasy. It does not serve me. If I'm being perfectly honest, I don't need any of these things to be happy. I'm replacing my fantasy with my reality. It's garbage day, and my ill-conceived plan from my childhood is past its prime. Goodbye dream wedding that I thought I didn't deserve, kind husband whom I never met, flying car that I can't afford. I'm good right here, in my beautiful little life that makes me happy every day.
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