Today is the first garbage day of summer. Last night my son went to dinner with friends, so I was left to take out the trash, break down the recycling, and roll the cans across the street by myself. I could have asked him for help before he left, or waited until he came home. It was my decision to do the garbage while I was out there after giving him a ride to the restaurant.
I think that we have a lot of misunderstandings. We misunderstand our own motivation too, not just others'. Breaking it down, I asked myself, "why am I doing this by myself instead of waiting for him?" And there I found the warmest feeling inside myself. Love.
Often we are driven by a need to be recognized, a need to prove a point, a need to be strong. This time I found only love. I wanted to be kind to him and have it all done by the time he got home so that we could do other things.
When he got home, I didn't mention the garbage at all, and neither did he. Instead I asked him to unload the dishwasher, which he happily did. I loaded and ran the dishwasher and the chores were complete. After the chores, he sat by me and told me about the trouble he'd been having with a friend. I gave him my mom advice, and then he started to paint. He created a masterpiece.
Understanding my motivation prevented me from being upset. Instead, I felt more love for him, and we had a great night. When I took the love languages quiz, my top two were acts of service and quality time. The way I feel and express love is by doing things for people, having them do things for me, and time together. In this way, it was a perfect night.
I could have shamed him for not helping me, or held it over him that I had done it all myself, as we so often do with our children. It could have been something that made us feel bad, but because I was able to understand my motivation, I was able to avoid a misunderstanding that I had been conditioned to believe. It had been beat into me by his father that if he didn't do chores he was bad. Not the case.
Checking in with our motivation prevents misunderstandings. Honestly, if I had found anything other than love, I probably shouldn't have done it. I don't really want any other motivation. Because I was motivated by love, that was the end of it. My act of service lead to quality time, and that was exactly what we both needed.
I don't want to be burdened by the expectations of others, or what I think I should do. It's much better to work to understand why I do what I do, and let that be enough. My son is a great kid, and I love him, and I wanted to do something nice for him. Simple as that. So with today's garbage went the misunderstanding that kids who don't help with chores are bad, because that just isn't true. Sometimes kids who don't do chores just have moms who love them and want to spend quality time with them.
I think that we have a lot of misunderstandings. We misunderstand our own motivation too, not just others'. Breaking it down, I asked myself, "why am I doing this by myself instead of waiting for him?" And there I found the warmest feeling inside myself. Love.
Often we are driven by a need to be recognized, a need to prove a point, a need to be strong. This time I found only love. I wanted to be kind to him and have it all done by the time he got home so that we could do other things.
When he got home, I didn't mention the garbage at all, and neither did he. Instead I asked him to unload the dishwasher, which he happily did. I loaded and ran the dishwasher and the chores were complete. After the chores, he sat by me and told me about the trouble he'd been having with a friend. I gave him my mom advice, and then he started to paint. He created a masterpiece.
Understanding my motivation prevented me from being upset. Instead, I felt more love for him, and we had a great night. When I took the love languages quiz, my top two were acts of service and quality time. The way I feel and express love is by doing things for people, having them do things for me, and time together. In this way, it was a perfect night.
I could have shamed him for not helping me, or held it over him that I had done it all myself, as we so often do with our children. It could have been something that made us feel bad, but because I was able to understand my motivation, I was able to avoid a misunderstanding that I had been conditioned to believe. It had been beat into me by his father that if he didn't do chores he was bad. Not the case.
Checking in with our motivation prevents misunderstandings. Honestly, if I had found anything other than love, I probably shouldn't have done it. I don't really want any other motivation. Because I was motivated by love, that was the end of it. My act of service lead to quality time, and that was exactly what we both needed.
I don't want to be burdened by the expectations of others, or what I think I should do. It's much better to work to understand why I do what I do, and let that be enough. My son is a great kid, and I love him, and I wanted to do something nice for him. Simple as that. So with today's garbage went the misunderstanding that kids who don't help with chores are bad, because that just isn't true. Sometimes kids who don't do chores just have moms who love them and want to spend quality time with them.
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