It's garbage day, and the garbage truck didn't come at 5:30 am and wake me up like I expect it to. It just got here. I was thinking about the things in life that leave me feeling hurt, broken, or empty. When I boil it down to the root of the problem, it always comes down to my own expectations.
I expect to be treated a certain way. I expect to get what I want. I expect to have what I need. When what I expect doesn't manifest itself, I feel horrible. To varying degrees, I experience this let down as abandonment.
So what if I didn't expect anything? What if I didn't expect the garbage truck to clatter through at the crack of dawn ever Tuesday morning, but instead just let it do it's thing? I'd never be disappointed. How would that feel.
Out of control. I would feel that everything was out of control. And it is. So that would be just right. Having high expectations is just another form of being controlling. I think the reason kids are so much happier is that they understand that nothing is in their control and they have no idea what to expect.
Maybe I would be honoring my inner child by loosening my control, letting go of expectations, and letting everything just happen as it happens. When I was younger, I used to wish that I could be really stupid because it was obvious that stupid people were happier. Why are they? Because they never know what to expect, like toddlers.
What if it turns out that my expectations, over-thinking, and control are not needed? What if I can just stop torturing myself, the thinking is optional. It isn't about being smart or stupid, it's about learning how to think.
I have a choice.
I expect to be treated a certain way. I expect to get what I want. I expect to have what I need. When what I expect doesn't manifest itself, I feel horrible. To varying degrees, I experience this let down as abandonment.
So what if I didn't expect anything? What if I didn't expect the garbage truck to clatter through at the crack of dawn ever Tuesday morning, but instead just let it do it's thing? I'd never be disappointed. How would that feel.
Out of control. I would feel that everything was out of control. And it is. So that would be just right. Having high expectations is just another form of being controlling. I think the reason kids are so much happier is that they understand that nothing is in their control and they have no idea what to expect.
Maybe I would be honoring my inner child by loosening my control, letting go of expectations, and letting everything just happen as it happens. When I was younger, I used to wish that I could be really stupid because it was obvious that stupid people were happier. Why are they? Because they never know what to expect, like toddlers.
What if it turns out that my expectations, over-thinking, and control are not needed? What if I can just stop torturing myself, the thinking is optional. It isn't about being smart or stupid, it's about learning how to think.
I have a choice.
Uh huh. Relax, nothing is under control :)
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