It's garbage day, and I'm sending away my own opinion.
It's easy to get confused at times and think that there is only your own perspective. It's been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that's a fact. Actually, everything is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has their unique perception of the way things actually are. There are definitely more popular opinions, things most people agree on, but opinions are never facts.
Last night I was feeling like a bad mom. Every parent experiences this feeling from time to time, because raising people is difficult work. In the middle of the night I woke up, and I was having a go at myself for sport. Thinking of all of the things I should be doing to perfect my parenting game. A light came on, my son was awake.
Upon checking on him, I discovered that he'd had a bad dream. My mothering instinct took over and I found myself in his bed, rubbing his back as he relayed his story of the demons in his nightmare. He relaxed, and I tucked him in. He said, "thank you for being the best mom in the world." A few moments later, I heard him say as he was falling asleep, "please live to be 100."
And there you have it. I'm not actually the worst mom in the world. That was just my own opinion, and it wasn't even right.
As my kids have grown older, I have learned to back off a bit. It may feel like bad parenting, but in actuality, what matters isn't constant hovering and control, what matters is being there when I am needed. I can do that. I do that.
I realize that many of opinions I have about myself are not actually correct. I'm wrong about myself. The very qualities that leave me feeling bad about myself are the ones that in fact make me a good person. I care. I'm honest and fair, nonjudgmental and kind. Except when it comes to myself. In fact, I'm such a nurturing person that it is a joke with my friends and family.
The true sign of a bad parent is probably one who doesn't care enough to be up at 2am fretting about whether she is doing the best job she can, and even that opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. The really bad parents make the most interesting children, so in that respect, they could be considered the very best parents to have.
I have lots of opinions about myself, and most of them have been argued by the people closest to me. As I settle into the idea that my opinions are wrong, I'm going to go ahead and borrow other people's opinions instead... but only the good ones.
Yes, I make mistakes, and screw things up, and say things that I wish I could take back, but in general, I'm a good person, raised on Little House on the Prairie and Bonanza, and my values are solid. I've more often than not done the right thing, not the selfish thing, and I'm going to stop beating myself up over my missteps. I don't choose to see the worst in anybody, so I am no longer accepting harsh judgement of myself. Gone is the opinion built on regrets. I was able to chase away my son's demons, and now it's time to release my own. I don't need them, so I'm throwing them out along with all of the vegetables that went bad that I was also feeling shitty about. Good riddance.
It's easy to get confused at times and think that there is only your own perspective. It's been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that's a fact. Actually, everything is in the eye of the beholder. Everyone has their unique perception of the way things actually are. There are definitely more popular opinions, things most people agree on, but opinions are never facts.
Last night I was feeling like a bad mom. Every parent experiences this feeling from time to time, because raising people is difficult work. In the middle of the night I woke up, and I was having a go at myself for sport. Thinking of all of the things I should be doing to perfect my parenting game. A light came on, my son was awake.
Upon checking on him, I discovered that he'd had a bad dream. My mothering instinct took over and I found myself in his bed, rubbing his back as he relayed his story of the demons in his nightmare. He relaxed, and I tucked him in. He said, "thank you for being the best mom in the world." A few moments later, I heard him say as he was falling asleep, "please live to be 100."
And there you have it. I'm not actually the worst mom in the world. That was just my own opinion, and it wasn't even right.
As my kids have grown older, I have learned to back off a bit. It may feel like bad parenting, but in actuality, what matters isn't constant hovering and control, what matters is being there when I am needed. I can do that. I do that.
I realize that many of opinions I have about myself are not actually correct. I'm wrong about myself. The very qualities that leave me feeling bad about myself are the ones that in fact make me a good person. I care. I'm honest and fair, nonjudgmental and kind. Except when it comes to myself. In fact, I'm such a nurturing person that it is a joke with my friends and family.
The true sign of a bad parent is probably one who doesn't care enough to be up at 2am fretting about whether she is doing the best job she can, and even that opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. The really bad parents make the most interesting children, so in that respect, they could be considered the very best parents to have.
I have lots of opinions about myself, and most of them have been argued by the people closest to me. As I settle into the idea that my opinions are wrong, I'm going to go ahead and borrow other people's opinions instead... but only the good ones.
Yes, I make mistakes, and screw things up, and say things that I wish I could take back, but in general, I'm a good person, raised on Little House on the Prairie and Bonanza, and my values are solid. I've more often than not done the right thing, not the selfish thing, and I'm going to stop beating myself up over my missteps. I don't choose to see the worst in anybody, so I am no longer accepting harsh judgement of myself. Gone is the opinion built on regrets. I was able to chase away my son's demons, and now it's time to release my own. I don't need them, so I'm throwing them out along with all of the vegetables that went bad that I was also feeling shitty about. Good riddance.
Comments
Post a Comment